Explainers · 06
What coercive control is
Coercive control is a pattern of behaviour that strips away a person’s independence: monitoring, isolating, controlling money, setting rules, and punishing deviation. There is often no physical violence. It is now a criminal offence in several Australian states, and it is recognised as one of the strongest predictors of serious harm. If you recognise it, call 1800RESPECT on 1800 737 732.
What it looks like
Checking your phone or location. Deciding who you see and when. Controlling the money, or the car, or the passwords. Rules about clothing, food or housework, with consequences when they are broken.
Individually each item can be explained away, which is exactly why the pattern is hard to name from inside it. The test is not any single act but whether your world has been made smaller by someone else’s decisions.
Why it is hard to see
It arrives gradually and it usually arrives wrapped in care: worry about your safety, concern about a friend, wanting to handle the finances for you. By the time the restrictions are obvious they feel normal, and often you have been told repeatedly that you are the unreasonable one.
Being believed is frequently the first useful thing that happens to someone in this situation.
Where to get help
If you are in immediate danger, call 000. For confidential support at any hour, 1800RESPECT on 1800 737 732, or the Safe Steps Victorian family violence line on 1800 015 188.
Counselling has a role, and it is not couples counselling. Where there is coercive control, joint sessions can be unsafe, because anything said in the room can be used afterwards. Individual work is the appropriate route, alongside specialist family violence services.
Questions
Is coercive control illegal in Australia?+
It is a criminal offence in New South Wales and Queensland, and legislation differs between states. Victoria recognises it within its family violence framework. Legal status aside, the behaviour is grounds for support and protection anywhere in Australia.
Can coercive control happen without any violence?+
Yes, and it frequently does. The absence of physical violence is one of the reasons it takes people years to name it. It is also strongly associated with later physical harm, which is why it is taken seriously on its own.
Should we go to couples counselling?+
No. Where there is coercive control, couples counselling is generally unsafe, because disclosures in the session can be punished afterwards. Individual counselling and a specialist family violence service are the right combination.
Related service
Individual Counselling
One-to-one work in a confidential space, at your pace. Where family violence is involved, counselling runs alongside specialist services rather than replacing them.
Related explainers
- Love bombing, and how to tell it from real interest
- What trauma bonding is, and how to break one
- Signs of a toxic relationship
More in the explainers index, the how-to guides or the glossary.